One of those days

3/16/18

I woke up feeling sad again. Days feel lonely after leaving my “partnership” behind…that’s the right terminology for it, right? Not quite a relationship but so much more than just friends. I decided to try to get out of my funk I would visit the mall as I do on most days off. I have no best friends out here so I find some comfort in visiting places like Sephora where my face is recognized. I just crave that human interaction.

As I walked to Target I started to feel like I was in a daze. Maybe I drank too much caffeine? Maybe I got stuck in my head for a minute thinking about my recent break up? Maybe it’s just one of those days? I kept myself grounded and just shopped around as a distraction. I found a few cute decorations for my room and a cute, new comforter. I figured I have enough books for right now so I didn’t buy anymore of those. Plus it’s kind of hard to read when I feel like this.

So after I got home I began to cry a little while talking to my parents. I just realized how much I miss my ex sweetheart. But I knew deep down that I made the right decision because it has gotten to a bad place. Plus he has done nothing but ditch me every weekend to hangout with his mom who he lives with and works with. So in my mind it’s like he never sees me yet he never tries. Today I almost gave into my emotions when he sent me an “I miss you” text..I just wanted to Facetime him and end this feeling of loss and loneliness. As we talked though and discussed how he wasn’t going to make plans with me between today and Sunday because he has an eye appointment on Saturday? I thought to myself this is exactly why I left…nothing ever makes sense and he misses me so much that apparently he doesn’t want to see me? I think it’s safe to say that next time I won’t fall into the trap of texting back. Whats done is done. And I’ll end this post with a poem that really speaks to me right now…

“You call to tell me you miss me

I turn to face the front door of the home

Waiting for a knock

days later you call to say you need me

but still aren’t here

the dandelions on the lawn

are rolling their eyes in disappointment

the grass has declared you yesterday’s news

what do I care

if you love me

or miss me

or need me

when you aren’t doing anything about it

if i’m not the love of your life

i’ll be the greatest loss instead”

-Rupi Kaur

Update: I sent this poem to him and he said it doesn’t apply to us. I’m just utterly disgusted.

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My life is basically an indie love story.

03/06/2018

Did I say love story? I think it’s more like one of those indie rom-coms that’s actually really sad.

 

We met online in February 2015 and we instantly clicked. We talked all day and night every day. We were cheesy love birds who were dying to meet in person. Luckily my crappy community college was only an hour and a half from his picturesque private college and my roommate was willing to drive me to see him. I was nervous…I had never even kissed a guy, let alone stayed with a guy over night. It was all going to be very new for me. So I made the trip and two planned days turned into four nights and five days with this guy that I was falling in love with. Every minute there was a dream I didn’t want to wake up from. I never thought I was capable of even falling in love but there I was completely enamored by this adorable punkish, sensitive artist.

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He had won me over with sweet promises, beautiful drawings, cheesy messages, and chemistry strong enough to light even the darkest of nights. It wasn’t long before that all went away though. Once I went back to my reality at my own college things got complicated. Our little internet “fling” turned into deep feelings between a girl who had never romantically loved anyone and a guy who didn’t want to love someone again. From then on I spent many nights feeling like I wasn’t good enough and wondered what it would take for him to love me. Did he not love me because I wasn’t an artist? because I wasn’t thin enough? because I was a virgin? ..the thoughts were endless but I held on tight to him. My fall semester of college was when things started falling apart. He got more and more distant from me and got closer and closer to an online friend from Alabama. After losing my virginity to him that year I figured maybe we would get through the rough patch but instead he broke up with me in November 2015 after I begged him not to leave. As you can imagine this changed the dynamic of everything.

We still talked occasionally but I was ignored most of the time. Little did I know he had actually been dating the online friend from Alabama that we always fought about. I found that out through a tumblr post on her page at the beginning of 2016. This was shortly after we had spent new years eve and day together. He had one more semester left of college and that whole semester he acted like a different person. Now let me just say the only reason i’m including this trash is because it’s important to the story and further complicated usmy intent is not to make him sound bad. In February, shortly after I confronted him about knowing that he was lying to me about being single I ended up moving in with my close cousin and getting my first job at an Ulta, the place that started my love for makeup and beauty related jobs. I had started to pull myself out of the funk I was in and stopped talking to him after realizing he started seeing a freshmen girl at his college. It was all very heartbreaking to me, especially since his reason for leaving me was because he didn’t have “time” for a relationship. I got through the pain even though it still hit me pretty hard on some nights. As you can imagine we ended up talking again eventually and I had hoped we would end up together again because I still loved him.

And we did end up back together but it took almost all of 2016 for that to happen. I was finally told “I love you” but I just never got the label. Time has just continuously passed and if I mention making things official I’m basically told “why can’t you just leave well enough alone?”. He always asks why the label even matters. But I can’t even begin to describe how much it hurts to be with someone but not be acknowledged as being a significant other. Not only does it confuse me..it also makes me feel worthless.

Part of me knows I probably need to leave because things aren’t going to change but part of me thinks about all the memories we share. I think about the way my heart flutters when I see him or touch him. I think about the way we laugh over inside jokes that no one else would understand. I think about the way he treated me when he first started falling for me. I think about the care packages we send to each other with the cute, heartfelt notes. I think about the old days when we cuddled in his dorm room listening to twenty one pilots vessel album or the smiths. I think about how he stayed up with me all night to comfort me at his house after I got into a car accident. I think about the fun date day we had in Burlington together. And I think about how sad I feel whenever we haven’t talked in awhile….

Relationships aren’t meant to be this complicated but I don’t think I can love anyone else as much as I have loved him. So cue the sad music to go along with a sad picture montage…

For now things are paused because I don’t know what to do.

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Fresh Start in a New City

Here I am laying in bed, listening to a playlist of acoustic covers, and thinking about how much my life has completely changed over the past couple of months. I’ve always been someone who welcomes change especially when life gets too routine. It’s just so different to be living in an area where I know basically no one. It’s like who am I suppose to go dancing with, go out drinking with, binge watch shows with, or have movie nights with!? I had all of that in all the previous places I’ve lived. It’s such an awkward feeling too because I’ve met so many people who are really chill but they are mostly coworkers so I’m not sure if it’s weird to invite people out especially when I don’t even have them on social media. But anyways, I’ve “retired” my makeup brushes for the time being and have started a job as a pharmacy technician instead. I know it’s quite bizarre to picture that because it’s been about two years that I’ve worked various beauty consultant positions/makeup artist positions. What’s even more bizarre, is I ALMOST took a position at Spencer’s meaning I would have been trading my makeup brushes in to sell novelty items and erotic toys. To be fair though I could have gotten 30% off on new barbells & nose rings, so that would have been pretty rad.

In conclusion, I’m not sure if I’ll still be able to continue posting frequent “beauty” posts but I can certainly post other content in regards to life updates, adventures, & vegetarian recipes.

 

 

Becoming a seller on Poshmark

I’m attempting to take 2018 by the horns and start steering myself into the right direction. After enduring a lot of changes and stress towards the end of last year I searched the possibilities of what positive changes I could make for this year. Aside from sending out numerous applications and doing a little soul searching I also decided I wanted to try to sell some of the items that sit in my closet or on my vanity, untouched. I’m a self proclaimed shopaholic and as you can imagine my collection continues to grow without me using half the items. I have yet to list all the clothing but I have started my shop by listing makeup items, one listing is a brand new kylie cosmetics palette (the one that shipped to me free) and the second are palettes are purchased solely to review. I’ve been trying to cut back on the cosmetic purchases I make and have made it a goal to try to push myself to use what I have.

After having the shop for about a week now I have about 270 followers, which is pretty exciting. The best advice I have to give to anyone interested in starting a shop is to make sure your aesthetic is present in your shop, meaning lots of aesthetically pleasing pictures of what you’re selling. Also make sure to share your posts so your followers see them and share other supporters listings to gain more attention. I wish everyone the best of luck.

If you’re interested in checking out my store, here’s the link

With Love,

Melissa !

Am I the only vegetarian on campus?

I’m beginning to think I’m truly the only vegetarian that lives on campus. Our college has about 500 residents. We are a community college so we don’t really have the hipster vibes going on on campus or the artsy, alternative vibes. It’s just a fairly regular aesthetic on campus. Most residents are from New York city, so the majority of our meals are catered towards city lifestyle, New York deli style, and even some Jamaican or Cajun dishes. I find it very hard to have a good meal that’s primarily from the college dining hall. They occasionally serve veggie burger (which taste like Boca burgers) and they have a salad bar as well. Other than that I’m looking at basically cheese pizza for dinner, which gets old really fast. Luckily, I have a car and a price chopper just down the road so I’m able to stock up on the vegetarian staple foods like quorn mock meat, tofu, fresh fruit, etc etc. But with dorm room meals comes a lot of microwave food, ramen noodles, and snack foods. I’m very proud of my lifestyle, it’s rewarding and the food is delicious but I’d be lying if I said I don’t feel like an outcast sometimes. I wish I could afford to attend a school that fits my aesthetic like Cazenovia college or SUNY Plattsburgh, both have a lot of accommodations for vegetarian/vegan students and there is a large art community on campus. Am I an artist? No, not by any means really but I’m in love with an artist and find a lot of comfort around similar people. I’m also a lover of art, photography, and just creativity in general. That’s partly why I’m so drawn to makeup because that’s my expression of creativity. If I can afford a good enough camera, I’m considering creating a youtube channel dedicated to showing dorm room vegetarian recipes and my beauty reviews of course.

If I have any fellow vegetarian followers go ahead and leave a comment below telling me your favorite vegetarian meal !

xo

I bought the full $135 collection

From colourPop factory straight to my dorm mailbox I received this lovely collab Colourpop x My little pony collection. I LIVE for the packaging…it’s honestly the cutest packaging I’ve ever seen on a makeup collection. Also it’s worth mentioning this bundle is not sold out yet, so you have the opportunity to buy this same collection.

Included in this bundle: PR tote bag, brush set, sticker sheet, makeup bag, My little Pony Palette ($16), Trickles highlighter ($8) , Starflower highlighter ($8), Flutter Valley Ultra glossy lip ($6) , Dream Castle Ultra glossy lip ($6), PonyLand Ultra glossy lip ($6), Moondancer Ultra matte lip ($6), Lemon Drop Ultra matte lip ($6), Pin wheel Ultra matte lip ($6), Posey super shock shadow ($5), Sunbeam super shock shadow ($5), and Cherries jubilee super shock shadow ($5).

 

 

As you can see the packaging is very retro 1990’s my little pony, and very cute. Colourpop always includes hand written thank cards that are adorable as well! But lets talk about quality. Whether you have tried colourpop or not it’s much like any other brand in the sense that some products are phenomenal and some are yawn worthy. One of my biggest disappointments with this collection are the highlighters. I had heard such good things about colourpop highlights but they were quite dull. Starflower (peachy gold highlight) is the only one I get some results out of but it may as well be a shimmer blush. So if you plan to buy the items separately I’d skip out on the highlighters.

 

 

I should note this was my first time trying any type of colourpop lip product. The Ultra matte lip products are exactly what they sound like- incredibly drying. The shades are beautiful though. Moondancer is a burgundy shade, Lemon drop is a lovely lavendar shade, and Pin wheel is dark pink. The glosses are all very sparkly, long lasting, and not too sticky. I personally love the glosses the most especially flutter valley (the gold shade). But Lemon drop also has a special place in my heart.

 

 

Now comes the lovely eyeshadow palette and super shock shadows. I honestly didn’t know what to expect from the super shock shadows…I figured they’d be powder not creme and that they’d be high pigmented. Instead I was pretty shocked. They are a light creme chromatic type shadow. Essentially the equivalent to a lip topper for your eye lids. I did get quite a few compliments when I wore the Posey super shock shade over a couple pink shades from the palette. My overall thoughts on the palette is that it is worth $16, however the majority of the shades are not nearly as pigmented as other colourpop palettes. In comparison to the “I think I’m in love palette”, the black in this palette is very chalky. If you enjoy pretty, bright colors though and are into the new sunset eyes trend then maybe this isn’t a bad purchase for you. But overall I don’t think this whole bundle was worth $135.

 

 

Is Too Faced still worth the hype?

I’m typically a sucker for cute packaging. Anything that looks unique, cutesy, very pink, & just aesthetically nice to look at I will gladly buy. But as my collection has gotten significantly bigger I’ve started becoming more skeptical about what’s actually worth spending big bucks on.

Too Faced has been a favorite brand of mine ever since I worked at Ulta. I would always glance over at the glorious wall of colorful products and tell myself I’d buy all the products one day If I could ever afford them all. I was especially mesmerized by the peanut butter and jelly palette and would have bought it if it hadn’t sold out. I currently own three Too Faced palettes, The peach palette, Merry Macarons palette, and the I want Kandee palette. I absolutely adore the peach palette but I’ve noticed that some of the limited edition palettes are starting to look like recycled colors and the eye shadows are pretty but not nearly as high quality as some of the other palettes I own. You would think that for $45 a 15 shade palette should be pretty well formulated but the color pay off on this palette just isn’t doing it for me. The shades Sweet Toffee, Sugared Strawberry, Frosted pink, sugar plum, and hot chocolate are the only colors that have pretty good pay off. So in my opinion, the packaging on this product is adorable and unique but the product itself is certainly not worth $45. The shades in the palette are more for people with fair complexions and most of the shades won’t look like much without the use of a shadow primer. Let me know your thoughts on this palette. Was it a hit for you or a miss?

 

New Friends and Adventures.

Hello beautiful friends!!

This is my first post in awhile due to lots of life changes. After a two year break from college I’m officially back on campus and working on my sophomore year! It’s pretty weird trying to get use to the adjustment of being a student again…especially when I was working as a beauty advisor for so long. I’m still very much into makeup and would love to try to find time to work part time at a cosmetic counter in this area possibly. But my number one goal right now is to get through these next couple of semesters of school. I’m working towards transferring into a nutrition program, if all goes well.

It was an odd feeling being back on campus. I’m four hours from home, all my old friends from college are either graduated/transferred/or back home, and I’m in a single room inside of a suite this year instead of a double room with a roommate. Inside my suite there is two single rooms, one double, a living room, a vanity area, and a bathroom. The girls in the double room are sisters from New York city and the girl in the other single room is Mack. Mack already feels like family to me. And the funny thing is we don’t bond over makeup..in fact, she’s a natural beauty and doesn’t really wear much make up. We just connect really well. Between spontaneous beach trips, night drives, and nature walks it feels like I’ve had more adventures with her than I have with any other close friends and that in itself is a wonderful feeling . I just feel blessed that I continue to meet such amazing people that truly add positive vibes to my life.

Aside from all my lifestyle changes and new friendships, I also have some new goals set for this year in terms of beauty blog ideas and possibly a youtube channel. My life just keeps moving in all sorts of directions but although changes are scary, they are also very exciting. I plan to continue to give you guys little updates on my college adventures and I will continue with product reviews as well.

P.S. If anyone would like to send me any kind of mail to my college (cards, letters, cute things, etc) please direct message me on instagram @copacetic.cutie …mail is like the holy grail for college students, honestly.

 

I got a free Kylie Cosmetics Palette

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I finally took the plunge, ladies. I always said that I’d never join the hype over a palette from Kylie cosmetics, not because product quality but because I don’t like trying to buy things that almost instantly sell out. With that being said, out of curiosity I checked her online store a couple days after this product dropped and although the collection bundle and kylighters were sold out…the palette was still available ($54). Eye shadow pallets are what get me weak in the knees…I’m always somewhat skeptical about spending double digits on foundations, powders, etc etc but when I see a beautiful eye shadow I just can’t help myself. At exactly 3pm, in the bonton breakroom, I quickly made an order for the “I want it all” birthday eyeshadow palette (which includes a blush + highlighter). It was $54.00 and there was no tax or shipping costs. I received it in the mail within 5 business days but….there was a little mishap. The box arrived to me slightly dented, as though the mail man put something heavy on it or dropped it pretty hard. Honestly though, I didn’t really think it was gonna affect the actual product. I was wrong…I opened the eyeshadow palette and the highlighter was crumbling out and looked like it was ready to fall out of the pan. For a first time Kylie cosmetics customer I was pretty disappointed but knew that it was more than likely a result of someone manhandling the package while trying to get it shipped out.

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I immediately emailed Kylie cosmetics customer service. I wrote a polite email stating that “I received the beautiful “I want it all” palette today but the highlighter is broken. Is there any way I can exchange this? Thank you!”. I included the above picture as well. They responded back to me almost immediately and apologized for the inconvenience and asked for my order number along with the last four digits of the card I paid with so they could look up the order. Once I sent that information they emailed me back and apologized again for the inconvenience of what happened and told me they would send a one time replacement package within 7-10 business days, at no cost to me. Within 7 days I received a brand new palette in mint condition…they made sure to put extra padding inside the box.

I’m very impressed with the customer service I received from Kylie cosmetics and will most certainly order from them again. I also highly recommend this palette, it’s very blendable, pigmented, and the highlight is blinding.

So that’s my story of how I received two palettes for the price of one!

Enjoy xoxo

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